END OF THE WORLD NEW PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT TEAM
No one understands how we got here, but the fact is that zombies are real and are knocking on our office windows as we try to get some real ideation work done. Very distracting. Yeah, sure, it might have been that accidental release in Hull of a new biological weapon which caused it, but either way, the raging argument over the last years of whether zombies are slow or fast runners has been answered for now - they are neither. They move like a pot-bellied middle-aged man in skinny jeans (nursing a sprained ankle from last night’s five-a -side football match) running for a bus. Anyhow, we’ve come up with our top three new products which we think will really help.
HOW DO WE MONETISE THIS zombie apocalypse?
FISCHER PRICE CHAIN GUN
Make every body not yet consumed by the undead count! Children aged 3-7 will love this colourful chrome-titanium machine gun with easy grip handles and super-smooth turning mechanism, meaning whether they’re taking down a horde of feral ghouls or writing their name on the side of a building they’ll be improving hand-to-eye coordination in the deadliest of ways!
NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES ZOMBIE EDITION
Unwinding after a long day of cowering can be tough over the incessant groans of your horrifically infected neighbours. Thankfully these noise-cancelling cans have a 25 hour battery life, meaning you can quietly sob in peace for longer. Buy them before Christmas and receive a free Enya CD.